Page 12 - The 'X' Chronicles Newspaper - March 2019
P. 12

12                       10 Hilariously Stupid Conspiracies

              10 Hilariously Stupid

          Conspiracy Theories (That

            People Actually Believe)

          10. The Moon Isn't Real
                 Sometimes boring, only slightly crazy
          conspiracy theories just aren't enough for certain
          people. Going above and beyond the usual 'fake
          Moon landings' proposition, there is a small
          group of people that's totally convinced the
          entire Moon is a fabrication. The general theory
          appears to be that there is something behind the
          'Moon', but what we see is actually just a giant
                 The proposed reasoning behind this
          giant Truman Show-esque illusion doesn't seem
          to have been formulated yet, but apparently it's
          powered by a massive electrical system.  This
          theory doesn't even make much of an attempt to
          explain when this hologram came about, or if
          there ever was a real moon.
                                                         people that believe yoga is actually an evil Karen Douglas, a University of Kent
          9. Dinosaurs Helped Build  The                 practice designed to trick people into psychologist, along with a student, published
          Pyramids                                       worshipping Satan.                              research in which they exposed people to
                 The pyramids have long been the subject         Rather than being simply a good way to conspiracy theories about climate change and
                                                         relax and exercise, these people interpret the the death of Princess Diana.  Those who got
          of a wild variety of conspiracy theories, but this
                                                         practice as being a way of opening people up to information supporting the theories but not
          one really takes the biscuit. A school in Malta,
          named the Accelerated Christian Academy, has a  Satanic possession. Sure, yoga and its information debunking them were more likely to
          director that believes the dinosaurs were not  practitioners can be a bit odd sometimes, but to withdraw from participation in politics and were
          only alive at the same time as humans, but also  say that they're all devil worshippers seems a bit less likely to take action to reduce their carbon
          gave the Egyptians a hand (or claw) in building  harsh.                                        footprints.
          the pyramids.                                          Still, the internet is filled with 'horror     Alex Jones, a syndicated radio host, can
                 Speaking of the theory, director of the  stories' of people claiming they narrowly build fame as a conspiracy peddler; politicians
          institution Vince Fenech states quite clearly, "Of  escaped the evil clutches of a yoga class, and can hint at conspiracies for votes and leverage;
                                                         how they found redemption only after but if conspiracy theories are a tool the average
          course the dinosaurs existed. It is mentioned in
                                                         denouncing yoga and embracing Jesus. Sounds person uses to reclaim his sense of agency and
          the Book of Job. They were used to help build
          the pyramids". Fortunately, Fenech claims that  perfectly rational.                            access to democracy, it’s an ineffective tool. It
          this particular theory isn't taught at his school,                                             can even have dangerous health implications.
          and it's only a "personal belief" of his. He does,  6. Obama Could Control The Weather         For example, research has shown that African-
          however, teach that the universe is only 6,000         When Obama was under pressure over      Americans who believe  AIDS is a weapon
          years old, so it's probably best not to send your  the  IRS  scandal   and   Benghazi,    his  loosed on them by the government
          child over to the institution just yet.        administration had a clever trick up its sleeve.  (remembering the abuses of the  Tuskegee
                                                         To alleviate the heat, they used their top secret  experiment) are less likely to practice protected
          8. The US Government Dumped Fake Snow          weather machine to create a tornado that        sex.  And if you believe that governments or
          On Georgia                                     devastated Oklahoma and destroyed the town of   corporations are hiding evidence that vaccines
                 There can be many reasons behind some   Moore. Or, at least, that's what a certain group of  harm children, you’re less likely to have your
          of the more insane conspiracy theories, from   conspiracy theorists want you to believe.       children vaccinated.  The result: pockets of
          paranoia to possible mental illness. Occasionally      The   idea   is   that   the   Obama    measles and whooping-cough infections and a
          though, it just boils down to a total lack of  administration uses their weather machine to    few deaths in places with low child-vaccination
          understanding basic science. Late last year, a  distract from certain political scandals and other  rates.
          rare occurrence happened in and around Atlanta,  happenings that they aren't happen with.  The        Psychologists aren’t sure whether
          Georgia. It snowed. Of course, this isn't      same conspiracy tends to crop up every time     powerlessness causes conspiracy theories or
          conspiracy theory material in itself.          there's a natural disaster. Hurricane Isaac?    vice versa. Either way, the current scientific
                 At some point, one Georgian genius      Obama messing about with the Republicans        thinking suggests these beliefs are nothing more
          decided to try and melt a fistful of snow with a  using his weather machine.                   than an extreme form of cynicism, a turning
          butane lighter and found that, rather than turning     Hurricane Sandy? Obama making           away from politics and traditional media —
          into a puddle of water, it blackened and filled  himself look a hero using his weather machine.  which only perpetuates the problem. []
          their nostrils with a plastic smell. This triggered  It all makes perfect sense.
          a mass of videos posted online of people doing
          the same thing, provoking people to conclude                          (Continues on Page 24)
          that the snow was fake and possibly poisonous.
                 As more astute readers will have already  Why Rational People Buy
          figured out, the snow was melting, but only
          appears not to because a direct flame turns it into Into Conspiracy Theories
          slush. The blackening is just soot, and the plastic
          smell? The fumes from the lighter. Brilliant.
                                                                  Continued from Page 11

          7. Yoga Is A Form Of Satanic Worship
                                                                 And that’s a problem. Because while
                 If there were a list of controversial topics
                                                         believing George W. Bush helped plan the Sept.
          for discussion, you might not expect yoga to be
                                                         11 attacks might make you feel in control, it
          one of them. Regardless, there are a number of
                                                         doesn’t actually make you so. Earlier this year,
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